Checking on Spouses’ Phones

Opinions of Nigerians are divided on whether it is desirable for spouses to check the message contents in each other’s phones

|  By Chinwe Okafor  |  Jan. 6, 2014 @ 01:00 GMT

ADANNA Obi, a corps member has been in a relationship for two years. She was always showered with gifts most times especially on festivities. Her relationship was so good that all her friends envied her and even those who didn’t know these love birds wanted to make their relationship look like theirs. Things were moving fine until one day when she logged onto her boyfriend’s email. She hoped for the best but that was not so. Instead she had a rude shock. She got a clear cut evidence of her boyfriend’s secret love affair as she scrolled through his mails, she saw love notes, song lyrics, photos of her boyfriend and her secret lover among other things. “It was the worst thing I have ever seen with my eyes because I never saw it coming. I felt like my whole world was coming to an end. I wept bitterly for months until I picked up the pieces of my broken heart and decided to move on,” she said.


Anuli Igwe, is another victim. She said her boyfriend checked her phones regularly, knew all her contact list names and whenever he found a new name added to the list, he asked questions. “Initially, I thought it was because he loves me and couldn’t bear to let any man snatch me from him. But when it became worrisome as it caused a lot of accusations, I had to end the relationship because if he cannot trust me, there should be no point in me dating him.”

Obi and Igwe are not alone in this situation. According to people’s opinions, 59 percent of women have checked through their men’s phone or emails. Modern technology offers a whole new variety of ways to spy on your partner. Looking through his wardrobe, checking for lipstick stains or checking for condoms in his pocket is now a thing of the past. There have been several cases of women finding pictures of naked women or scantily clad ladies while checking their men’s phones and this has caused troubles in many relationships. Realnews findings revealed that going through one’s partner’s phone is the easiest way cheating and extra marital affairs are exposed. But the question is, why do spouses check each other’s phones?

The fact remains that if you want to check through your partner’s phone, you must be ready for what you may find, because when you are looking for something, you will find it. However, the best way to satisfy your curiosity is simply ask because partners with nothing to hide are usually more willing to share the content of their phones with their partners. Chukwuma Nnoli, a student of Anambra State University, ANSU, said that partners shouldn’t check each other’s phones for the sake of peace because many homes today have broken as a result of that. From her opinion, men are usually prone to cheating and many couples have separated as a result of accessing their partners’ phones.


Adeola Oluwaseun, a housewife, said she doesn’t think it is necessary because it’s going too far. Men normally want to keep some things private. So, for the sake of the relationship and to put your mind at rest, it’s not good to access your partner’s phone. Amaka Okoye, a graduate of Anambra State University, said that couples shouldn’t have access to each other’s phones to avoid quarrel and jealousy.  “For instance, if a lady is too keen on her husband’s phone or movement, she will see things she’s not meant to see and hear things she’s not meant to hear and this will lead to quarrel and jealousy.  This can, in turn, break a relationship because I have seen cases like that.”

Femi Johnson, a banker, said a man needs his privacy and a woman should respect that. A woman shouldn’t know everything about a man and the phone issue can cause problem in a relationship. So for me, it’s not right. Jennifer Okeke, an undergraduate of Nnamdi Azikiwe University, UNIZIK, said going through your partner’s phone depicts jealousy, insecurity and a lack of trust, all of which are potentially damaging to a relationship.  Also, a person who is bent on proving that his or her partner is being unfaithful would read meanings into the most innocent of situations. The best way to go is to respect your partner’s privacy for the good of your relationship and for the sake of peace.

Meanwhile, some people agree that partner’s should check their phones because it’s a way of building trust in the relationship. Zaccheus Ayo, a trader, said it is right for spouses to check each other’s phones because both couples are meant to be free with each other. “It also helps to build trust in the relationship, which also makes it last longer. But if the reverse is the case, there will be quarrel.  There is nothing wrong with it, unless they both have skeletons in their cupboards. But if there’s trust, I see no reason why I should not take my wife’s phone, but I won’t do it to avoid misunderstanding.”

Oluoma Obi, a seamstress, said couples should have access to each other’s phones because they have a right to know things about each other. If I trust my man enough, giving her my phone shouldn’t be a problem. It’s just going to create that trust and understanding which are very important in every relationship. It is okay for spouses to have access to each other’s phones because if they are both faithful to each other, it shouldn’t be a problem.

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